Matt, an ex of mine, popped up outta nowhere round Nov. Apparently, his happily ever after didn't go so well...Irks me so... Cause it hurt so much...But his happiness was more important to me than my own. I made a point to make sure he was happy, before I removed myself from his life...With him off an married, I could move on and work on my happiness :)
Now he's talking to me like he used to (relationship wise), except now apologizing for being an asshole back then...Saying how he didn't realize what he had...One part of me wants to run back and the other is sayin, "wait and see how he 'changed'...he will walk away again, you'll see..." Course at the same time (god he knows me so well) he's sayin, "what you fear, you make happen." Then he tagged me on not sharing my feelings.
Yah, I admit I tend to block people. I want to share more, but I just don't feel right letting someone know I can be vulnerable. I am EXTREMELY unstable emotionally. Don't believe me? Ask my psychs...Over the years I worked on hiding and controlling my emotions, because of what all the shrinks said. Only thing it did was make me distant. Now though, I don't know any other way. It just depresses me. Feel like a part of me died inside and I can't ever bring it back. In a way I like it but yah...
Guess what I'm really looking for is someone that can put up with me emotionally (no matter how fucked up things get) and keep me awake intellectually...
He managed well - on part of it - for a long time. But he's constantly testing me. Like I have to fight to be by his side. The way I see it is, if I have to fight - means he don't want or really care if I am a part of his life. Even-though he's always trying to persuade me to stay by his side...Says he knows what he wants...I think mayhaps only for the time being...
Now he's talking to me like he used to (relationship wise), except now apologizing for being an asshole back then...Saying how he didn't realize what he had...One part of me wants to run back and the other is sayin, "wait and see how he 'changed'...he will walk away again, you'll see..." Course at the same time (god he knows me so well) he's sayin, "what you fear, you make happen." Then he tagged me on not sharing my feelings.
Yah, I admit I tend to block people. I want to share more, but I just don't feel right letting someone know I can be vulnerable. I am EXTREMELY unstable emotionally. Don't believe me? Ask my psychs...Over the years I worked on hiding and controlling my emotions, because of what all the shrinks said. Only thing it did was make me distant. Now though, I don't know any other way. It just depresses me. Feel like a part of me died inside and I can't ever bring it back. In a way I like it but yah...
Guess what I'm really looking for is someone that can put up with me emotionally (no matter how fucked up things get) and keep me awake intellectually...
He managed well - on part of it - for a long time. But he's constantly testing me. Like I have to fight to be by his side. The way I see it is, if I have to fight - means he don't want or really care if I am a part of his life. Even-though he's always trying to persuade me to stay by his side...Says he knows what he wants...I think mayhaps only for the time being...
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